I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder... - Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

"Between hello and goodbye is I love you."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"I want to meddle with an Olympic medal made of silver metal. I want to alchemize it into gold, and use a mixture of science and mysticism to transform losing into winning."

"Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition."

"My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets."