Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

"I want to meddle with an Olympic medal made of silver metal. I want to alchemize it into gold, and use a mixture of science and mysticism to transform losing into winning."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"Between hello and goodbye is I love you."

"Between hello and goodbye is I love you."

"I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law schools."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"I walk with a purpose. And a limp. (The limp helps serve my purpose, which is to gain sympathy.)"

"Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition."

"Between hello and goodbye is I love you."

"Between hello and goodbye is I love you."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets."

"Success is suffocating. The air is thinner at the top."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"Between hello and goodbye is I love you."

"I heard a song I hate and I thought of her. Ah, such is love."

"Lie to me. Just to console my soul."