I want to write a book so long that it will take the average... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."

"I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras,"which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment."