More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable."
"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."
"I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku."
"I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables."
"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."