More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."
"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."
"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."
"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."
"I want to write a poem about "Truth,""Honor,""Dignity,"and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it."