I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with le... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I like to spoon after I fork."

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."

"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."