I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."

"I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs."

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."

"I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."