I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the... - George Carlin
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
More quotes by George Carlin
"I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I"in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I"in independence, individuality and integrity."
"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."