I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the... - George Carlin
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"
"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."
"If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase."
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."