I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the... - George Carlin
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
More quotes by George Carlin
"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."
"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."
"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."
"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."