There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moo... - George Carlin

"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate."

"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."