"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."
"I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in."
"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."
"When I make love, I make extra, and then I keep it in my pants pockets. Well, not all of it. I give an inappropriate amount to the tax collectors."
"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."
"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."