Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."

"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"It doesn’t take a hurricane to blow out a birthday candle. Let this be a lesson in love—and cake etiquette."

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."

"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."

"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."

"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."

"I cook. My favorite thing to make is love."

"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."

"In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader."

"I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader."

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"Love is the best gift because it’s free to give and priceless to receive."

"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."

"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."