Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."

"Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration."

"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."

"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."

"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."

"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."

"Love is the best gift because it’s free to give and priceless to receive."

"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."

"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."

"I didn’t tackle him. I gave him a flying hug. Sometimes love is up in the air until it hits you."

"We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"