"I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open."
"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."
"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."
"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."
"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."
"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"