"I would argue that unless the two people are in love, all sex is bad sex, because why eat cotton candy when you can have edible clouds? Sure, it seems sweet at the time, but that’s just a carnival and carnal rush and wears off quickly. But love adds an extra dimension that takes an earthy thing like sex and makes it absolutely heavenly."
"Her heart is so dark, if it were ink it’d be beyond black and would only be good for writing a murder mystery novel."
"I network like a Spanish Inquisitor. I am very good at extracting relevant information. And if you resist, you’ll only confirm your heresy."
"Personal branding is important to me as a person. It’s also important to me as a non-person. I am a rock."
"I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them."
"I’ll write the first sentence in English and the second sentence will be nonsense translated to Russian, to make the ultimate non sequitur."