"Life goal: Swim in a lake full of soup, and instead of bathing suits we’ll wear Ziploc bags while we make love like we’re feeding the homeless."
"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."
"I restrain myself from following orders—especially restraining orders. I’d like to remind my dad that my love is longer than 500 feet."
"Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence."
"If there’s gold in it, then the mine is mine. And if there’s no coffee in it, then the cup is yours."
"I am a fisherman among farmers, and as a farmer what I grow is tired of waiting for her to love me."