"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"
"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."
"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."
"I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery."
"Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground."
"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."