"Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too."
"In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader."
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."
"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."
"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."
"When I make love, I make extra, and then I keep it in my pants pockets. Well, not all of it. I give an inappropriate amount to the tax collectors."