"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."
"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."
"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."
"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."
"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."