"If anybody is looking to rent a dancing partner for an evening, I have one left in stock. That one is me, and I am on sale ‘til Tuesday at two."
"Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. Some trees live to be hundreds of years old, and what the fuck do they know?"
"Every morning I push through the pain—and force myself to keep sleeping, despite my aching body’s cries to quit. I am a champion."
"I fight like a rocking chair in a boxing ring. That’s also how I make love. I should probably sell popcorn at my shows to boost revenue."
"She said love her or be tortured by her. I replied, "Torture would be less painful."She didn't realize that I'm a true romantic."
"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."