"If anybody is looking to rent a dancing partner for an evening, I have one left in stock. That one is me, and I am on sale ‘til Tuesday at two."
"I drank her essence, and it’s like she never existed and now I’m thirsty again. Let this be a lesson in love."
"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."
"I’m 33, and an 18-year-old girl called me old. I said, “You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair."
"The fragrance of romance is gratitude. Nothing says I love you like saying I love you. Sure, it’s better to show your love, but why not also say it?"
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."