If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. - W.C. Fields

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."