"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"
"Love now, not later. Also, love later."
"Spelling Bees are useless and unnecessary competitions. Before Microsoft Word and Google, Spelling Bees had value, but now they are all superflewus."
"Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming."
"It was a cold night, so I got a fire going. I lit a scented candle."
"I have two hands, so when I’m networking and I meet two new people, is it OK to shake both their hands at once? Or would it be more appropriate to organize a group hug?"