"You can never be too early to stand around and wait. You can have a seat in this chair, after I cinch the noose around my neck and you kick it out from under my legs."
"If I could convert books to wine, I’d start with The Grapes of Wrath. I’ve never read it, but maybe tonight I’ll be thirsty enough."
"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"
"I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one."
"I have a lot of love to give, because free samples are the best way to encourage sales."
"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."