If we make it out of this alive, I’ll kill you. So you have... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment."

"My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be able to hear all the horrible things I’m thinking about you."

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it."

"I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%."