Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the pen... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"If we make it out of this alive, I’ll kill you. So you have that to look forward to."

"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."

"I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now."

"Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary."