"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap."
"If you want me, you’d better hurry. Act now, supplies are limited."
"Trees shaped like deer should not be ridden like benches if they get stuck up in other trees. No hunting farming allowed. Fishing only."
"My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk."
"Every day I think today could be my last day. My only fear is dying without telling her I love her one more time. All I pray for is one more time."