"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why pour you a glass when you can drink from the bottle?"
"My ex-girlfriend was exquisite, while my current girlfriend is merely quisite. The ex always makes the past seem more excellent than the present."
"There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't."
"Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching them when they don’t know you are watching, especially if they are asleep."
"I wouldn’t feel great if you left me alone, but I wouldn’t feel bad either. I’d feel good, like I always do, which has nothing to do with you, even if you’ll have nothing to do with me."