"I’m more of a journalist than anyone in the mainstream media, and I write fiction. More than fiction, I write absurd nonsense surrealism, and my work has more truth."
"I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home."
"To wait on love is to tie a weight on your heart and slowly drown. Why sink when you can fly by freely giving love away?"
"I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future."
"I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them."
"I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only."