More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I watched the leaves change colors, and I thought, “People do that too. Their hair changes color as they age.” I remember that as my grandpa got older, his hair went from green to yellow to red, like a traffic light, only with slightly less honking."
"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"
"To show you I love you, I bought you an antique watch. You can tell it's old because it doesn't even work. I got a great deal on it."
"Midnight is Hellen-Kelleresque, so if you ask me if I’m seeing anybody, I’ll ask you what time it is. Answers are always between 12:01 AM to 11:59 PM."
"If I die with a zillion dollars and you die with zero, our net worth is worthless. All that matters is the love we level across our lives."