"I’m more of a journalist than anyone in the mainstream media, and I write fiction. More than fiction, I write absurd nonsense surrealism, and my work has more truth."
"The trick to looking ageless is drinking 55 gallons of #FlashBangWowFuzz every 4-6 hours. 24-hour discounts available."
"I like coffee tables. I’m into drinkable furniture."
"To be angry is easy, but to forgive is hard. That's why to love is easy, and to love is hard. I try to be so hard that I'm soft, like a liquid rock, fluid and forgiving, but unmovable in my resolve."
"Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by."
"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."