"I’m more of a journalist than anyone in the mainstream media, and I write fiction. More than fiction, I write absurd nonsense surrealism, and my work has more truth."
"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."
"The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special."
"I keep water in my pockets, as portable fish tanks. My love letters often get soggy with sentimentality."
"To know is good, but to know how to use that knowledge is better. And to acknowledge the wisdom in this is the best."
"Half-assing it twice isn’t giving it 100%, but both can be yours for the one-time low-price of half off. Also on SALE now: My love. Order yours today."