I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I h... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Glue holds stuff together pretty well. But why not try using guitar music as an adhesive? After all, it’s held many bands together."

"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."

"If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. Still, I think I want to be the Dandelion of Love."

"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."

"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."