"Half-assing it twice isn’t giving it 100%, but both can be yours for the one-time low-price of half off. Also on SALE now: My love. Order yours today."
"In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense."
"Trying to hide my feelings to avoid getting hurt just ends up hurting not only myself—but also the person I am hiding my feelings from."
"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."
"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."
"I’m 33, and an 18-year-old girl called me old. I said, “You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair."