I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a c... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I also replaced the doors with metal detectors, so I could fondle you more efficiently, like the highly trained professionals do who run airport security."

"I had an out-of-body experience so strange that it felt normal. You see, my soul, or essence, had left my body and went and inhabited the body of my clone. So I wasn’t in my body, and yet I was. Or maybe none of that happened, and I was just in a delirious, sleep-deprived state."

"I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate."

"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."

"Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment."