More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."
"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."
"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."
"She said love her or be tortured by her. I replied, "Torture would be less painful."She didn't realize that I'm a true romantic."
"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."