More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I wish I could grow swords like I can roses. Wouldn’t war be so romantic then? Then the U.S. could really show the world how much it loves it."
"I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is."
"If you want to steal my heart, you must realize it's not a one-time heist. This theft will take every minute of the rest of your life."
"I know half, and I know two guys who each know half of half, so together we’re altogether. Let this be a lesson in networking."
"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."