"I’ve found newspapers only useful as kindling material for campfires. It’s been said that newspaper articles are written at a fifth grade reading level. If so, I can’t figure out why journalists would write something that the average high school senior can’t even read."
"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."
"You know who’s not money? @JManziel2. Quarterbacks should stay in the pocket, because that’s where the money is. Ask any politician."
"To know is good, but to know how to use that knowledge is better. And to acknowledge the wisdom in this is the best."
"Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can also have love on top--however, you must understand that I would do anything, but I won’t do that."
"The middle finger is a great body language tool for letting people know you’re upset. Poetry isn’t quite as effective in a fit of road rage."