More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."
"On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57."
"Water is translucent, but not invisible. But a glass half full is half translucent, half invisible, and you cannot drink what you cannot see, which may be why I am so thirsty for her love."
"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."
"I’ll write the first sentence in English and the second sentence will be nonsense translated to Russian, to make the ultimate non sequitur."