"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."
"The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt."
"Great earrings would be little speakers, so she can hear better. Or maybe she just wasn’t listening all those times I told her I loved her."
"A pitcher throws baseballs, but a pitcher also holds liquid. My emotions are so fluid I wonder how large the pitcher would have to be to hold my heart. Probably 6’3”."
"Trees shaped like deer should not be ridden like benches if they get stuck up in other trees. No hunting farming allowed. Fishing only."
"It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage."