"A pitcher throws baseballs, but a pitcher also holds liquid. My emotions are so fluid I wonder how large the pitcher would have to be to hold my heart. Probably 6’3”."
"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."
"Cats are puddles of cuteness. I stepped in one the other day that was so muddy I not only had to pet it, but cuddle with it for hours."
"Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life."
"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"
"I wrote you a love letter. I used invisible ink to show I was being transparent with my feelings. And also to hide my feelings."