"Love is a process, either growing or shrinking, but never stagnant. My love for you was David, and now it is Goliath. Also, my love for you was Goliath, and now it is David."
"My hands will get dirty holding your rose-shaped heart, because love is like gardening—it’s earthy and takes work to keep it alive."
"When you’re embarrassed, you turn red. When I blush, I turn plaid. I network at kilt conventions, so even if I say something awkward I still look cool."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting."
"Don’t ever let the sun set on our love. Not even if it’s so gorgeous it’d make a great postcard. $1.99, if interested."