More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me."
"I wrote you a love letter, and I sent it snail mail. Love is forever, and that’s about how long it’ll take to get to you."
"If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"He’s right-handed, so I told him to draw his self-portrait with his left hand, because it’d look so ugly it’d look realistic. Since he’s a DC politician, I figured a little reality was needed in his life."