"My hobbies include rubbing my nipples across a cheese grater, meeting cat ladies on Tinder, and voting for either Democrat or Republican every four years. You could say I am a torture enthusiast."
"The heart pumps blood, a fluid, but it also pulses love, which is as liquid as a wave, and everyone wants a refill. My goal is to be a server."
"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."
"My eyes are bronze, my hair is turning silver, and my heart is gold. Oh, and my love for you belongs in the Olympics, because it’s Special."
"Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care."
"You can use your mouth to speak the words I love you, or you can use your mouth to kiss me and transport love from your mind to my heart."