More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed to picking up on political rhetoric."
"She makes my heart melt. There is a limited supply of sips, so grab a straw and start slurping while you can."
"I miss her like 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, and 5 misses 8. When we made love, our two bodies formed one spiral that seemed to cycle to the sky."
"Being a waiter is a waste of time, because think of all that waiting. But it’s better than loving someone who doesn’t love you back, because if you’re going to wait around, you might as well get paid for it."
"Only a fool tells people that only fools buy gold. In the coming future, I’d rather have fool’s gold than dollar bills. Ask Zimbabwe."