More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."
"I'm so popular in life that valets are already starting to park the cars lined up for my funeral, which is expected sometime late 2082. #OutBoastKanye"
"My heart is spinning. Love is a tornado. Will you be my Kansas?"
"The harmonica has musical wind, and is the breath of soul. It’s like a sad, lonely I love you lost in the breeze."
"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."