"I'm so popular in life that valets are already starting to park the cars lined up for my funeral, which is expected sometime late 2082. #OutBoastKanye"
"An empty coffee cup is full of hope. Now there’s something worth voting for."
"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."
"Better than learning how to speak a foreign language, is to start speaking the truth. But few people will listen, because they just don’t understand."
"I can't throw away cologne because that is Nostalgia in a Bottle, the scent of yesterday, and it reminds me of her more clearly than her picture."
"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."