More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."
"I put the sing in single—especially when I’m in the shower. Does anybody have any requests they’d like to shout out while the water’s getting hot? As always, silence all cell phones during the duration of my performance."
"Why sell farming equipment to farmers? I should cut out the middleman and sell tractors directly to people dining in restaurants."
"I am a fisherman among farmers, and as a farmer what I grow is tired of waiting for her to love me."
"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."