"Networking is more quality, and less quantity. It’s better to form a solid connection with one new person, than a liquid connection with ten. You don’t want people to think you drink too much."
"She makes my heart melt. There is a limited supply of sips, so grab a straw and start slurping while you can."
"If I were a Wild West cowboy, I wouldn’t ride a horse—I’d ride a wheelchair. More romantic."
"Just when you thought you’d considered all the angles, life goes from a square to a cube. Love should also be 3D."
"A nugget of wisdom is more valuable than a nugget of gold—and considerably harder to pan out of a river. I’ll be 33 in March, and all I’ve found so far is fool’s gold. Still, I was able to trade it for political favors."
"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."