More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese."
"I drank her essence, and it’s like she never existed and now I’m thirsty again. Let this be a lesson in love."
"I’m an only child, and therefore I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be parents."
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."
"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."