More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I slept through the award presentation for Napper of the Year. They had to wake me when I won. Winning was like a dream come true."
"A kangaroo would jump better if instead of legs, it had a trampoline under its torso. And there would be no depression, because it would bounce right back."
"The internet is a knowledge omelet. Sometimes I just want the purity of scrambled eggs that only a book can provide."
"Love flows like flowers, and grows like water. I’m so thirsty for romance I could drink a dozen roses."
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."