More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it."
"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."
"If you own the most profitable manure distribution warehouse in the world, you might not like the smell of success."
"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."
"Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love."