"Quit making shade while I’m trying to make noon. Go put on a blindfold and act like midnight. There’s leftover love in the freezer if you get cold."
"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."
"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"
"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."
"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."
"Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty."