"Squeeze out the competition—with hugs. I’m giving out FREE hugs while samples last. After that I’ll have to charge an arm and a leg—or maybe just two arms."
"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."
"I wrote you a love letter. I used invisible ink to show I was being transparent with my feelings. And also to hide my feelings."
"When I was young, I was 13 going on 31. Then when I was 30 going on 31, I was 30 going on 29. Now I’m in love and I’ve lost all sense of time—and all the rest of my sense."
"She asked for the time, and I said that information is for sale—by the slice. 60 slices in a whole pie."
"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."