"Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering the water table of wisdom."
"What’s on my mind? I could say you, but we both know I'd be lying. Actually, I'm only pretending that you aren't on my mind. But I know that you don't mind."
"Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?"
"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."
"All the ideas in the universe can be described by words. Therefore, if you simply take all the words and rearrange them randomly enough times, you’re bound to hit upon at least a few great ideas eventually. Sausage donkey swallows flying guillotine, my love assembly line."
"Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only."