"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"
"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."
"I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife."
"Between Portland and Seattle is a mint factory, and they made sweets like we made sweet love, and America needs more manufacturers like us."
"I grew a garden in her heart. There was plenty of space for flowers, because her heart was completely empty of love."
"Her dancing inspires me to move. I used to be like a statue, and now I am more like a mannequin. So much more fashionable, you know?"