"Relationships are like water. If you grab tight, clamping and clenching to gain control, you’ll lose it all. Instead, cup your hand gently, so she feels free to drink until her thirst is quenched."
"Flowers are aromatic and romantic, and they grow exactly the way love does—with plenty of light, and watered with affection."
"If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs)."
"The size of your sighs tell how deeply you’re in love. How I feel is very much like a stressed and distressed midget trying to breathe."
"I’m giving a free concert tonight. Seating is limited, so bring your own toilet. While there is no admission price, if you bring 100 dollars, it’s like a roll of toilet paper."
"0 plus 100 equals 100. But so does 50 plus 50, only with more balance. Let this be a lesson in love."