"How to duplicate yourself: hang out with the same people and say the same things all the time. The you of today is a clone of the you from yesterday."
"Love isn’t in a hurry like a flurry of flowery words on paper. It’s lush and slow to grow its aroma in the garden of time."
"I'm here at The Container Store looking for something large enough to hold all my love for her. It's a flood, so I hope they sell Shipping Container Ships."
"All my failures as a human being I blame on my father. Life is about accepting responsibility, and it’s time my father started being held accountable for my deficiencies."
"I’m just going to keep plugging away until I find success—or an electrical socket that works. This is the secret to gaining worldly power."
"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."